I'm still curious, what would my life be like if I'd given birth to another life

I was around 19, I was dating this guy for a year, only to discover I was pregnant. We were in the hospital when the nurse exclaimed 'Postive'. I was nervous, hysterical and cried and cried. We were young, and abortion was the only way out.

I went in for the pills, and what I experienced for the next few hours was worse than ever. Immense pain, blood, it was horrible. Worse than the appendix pain I had experienced when I was a little girl, and that was the only time I had been to the hospital.

It got done, and I got better but there was a turmoil inside my head. In fact, there still is. It's been 4 years after and I'm still curious as to if I sustained the pregnancy, what would my life be if I gave birth to another life.

Something inside me feels empty, a massive empty space inside me that just doesn't fill. I feel lost and incomplete, empty.