We came to the decision that an abortion was best.

I'd never really considered having a baby, I was always the one saying I never wanted children.

Nearly a year ago today on my 20th birthday I had been out the night before to celebrate, and the next morning I just didn't feel myself, I kept throwing up and feeling dizzy, I don't really suffer with hangovers but thought maybe I had over done it the night before. Oh how wrong was I, after two days of not feeling myself I took myself to my local clinic to be told I was pregnant. In that moment I felt so many different emotions, I was in a stable relationship so telling my partner wasn't a problem, it was more a case of would we cope? Would I be able to give this baby everything it needed?

After days of talking about it.. One minute a baby was all we wanted, then we didn't, then we did. We came to the decision that an abortion was best, so I booked in with my gp who referred me to bpas. After speaking to them it seemed like my 'consultation' was days away, but it came round quicker than anything.. Off we went to the clinic I had to be checked over my weight, bloods, blood pressure etc, I was given a date to come back for the actual procedure. Even after stating it was what I wanted, I just wanted to scream but as you can tell by me writing on here that the abortion came and went.

To this day I find it hard to talk about it.. There are so many questions I need answers to, will I get pregnant again? Have I ruined my chances of being a mother? I would advise anyone who has or is thinking of having an abortion to make sure it really is what they want.

Editor's Comment

It is a shock to find out you have an unplanned pregnancy, and because it is unexpected I think it is easy to go into panic mode. Abortion can feel that you are putting the clock back to where you were, and getting control of your lives again. In reality, it will always change you, and it is hard not to think about the 'what ifs'. I agree with your final sentence that it really does help to think and talk the decision through with someone independent, who is trained to help women and couples to think through their options. 

There is help available through pregnancy counselling centres and local sexual health clinics, so do go and talk it through.