I regret my abortion - counselling didn't seem available and within a week I'd had it

I'm an emotional mess

Am now seven weeks after a medical abortion and am an emotional mess [other medical abortion stories].

I have 3 children and just panicked when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do and was very unsure.

Counselling didn't seem available

Went to BPAS hoping for counselling which didn't seem to be available and within a week had the abortion.

Otherwise Only spoke to my husband who said it was up to me, but his gut feeling was to terminate pregnancy but he'd support me either way.

Immediate regret

Regretted it the instant I had taken the oral tablet. Tried to make myself sick in the car to stop it.

Since all of this, am struggling to move on, feel utterly ashamed and disgusted with myself. Feel I cannot talk further to husband as there's not much else he can say to me and I get the feeling he thinks I should be trying to move on now.

It's affected my relationship with my children

Am snappy and irritable with my children and hate myself that my relationship with them is being affected.

I wish I could turn back the clock. If anything, this has made it clear that I do want another child so desperately would like to conceive but am 40 so aware that my time is running out. I probably don't even deserve the chance for another baby because of what I did.

I made a hasty and panicked choice

If anyone finds them self in my position, please please take your time to make your choice. I know I made a hasty panicked choice and now I have to live with this awful guilt.