I had an abortion at 11 weeks when I was 18 and am still suffering 2 years later

I had an abortion when I was 18 years old when I dated a man much older than me. This being my first pregnancy I had no idea, he told me I was pregnant before I even knew, eventually, my period was irregular and then I didn't have one at all.

He took me to get a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Man did you my heart drop. He asked me were there any possibility it was someone else's and I told him yes. But deep down I knew it was his. He was very upset with me, I understood why.

I went to the doctor to see how far along I was and received a ultrasound and it was his... later that night I went to his house and I tried explaining to him and he just shut me down he told me none of the information is completely accurate... so as time went by he was very cold towards me.

I was very sick during my pregnancy. I had morning sickness EVERYDAY all times of the day. I had lost so much weight it was scary... I told him I would get an abortion... I still contemplated he told me what's taking so long for me to call the abortion clinic then I knew he didn't want it... I scheduled an appointment.

As we are sitting in the clinic he asks am I going to leave him. For someone who didn't feel the child was there's that was a pretty odd question... I told him I wanted to go home and he got up and walked out....

God it was so hard holding those tears back but I manage to do it... after I was finished he came to pick me up and asked what was said. I told him I was 10 wks he looked at me and said...there's no way it can be the other guys and right after that he said he went to the doctor and he was told his sperm didn't work and asked did I sleep with anybody else...

I immediately GOT emotional he seen it coming so he got up and left... I even asked him did he want to see the ultrasound he told me NO and I shouldn't be looking at it either... I just knew I had to get rid of it then...

I got the abortion at 11 wks and 5 days and I'm still suffering from it till this day. I'm 20 and I'm pregnant now and I can't even enjoy it because of that situation... I'm thinking about adoption... I don't ever want to be a mother but I refused to get a abortion and do that to myself again but I don't deserve to be a mom...

I've been searching everywhere to be able to tell my story, or even hear others, I just wanted to get this off my chest...