I had a failed abortion - the baby I'd tried to get rid of was still inside me

I wanted to share my story about my pregnancy. It is very stressful for me I am 18 years old l, still in high school and 8 months pregnant:/

I found out that I was pregnant at 8 weeks. I immediately wanted an abortion because I knew I wasn't ready to have a baby. It was scary because I had to tell my mom... I was really scared of what she was going to say, she wasn't mad just disappointed. Its nice having her support and I'm glad that she is so understanding.

The first thing we did was go to this clinic that offers to do abortions for free, I didn't want a surgical abortion so I decided to do the medical abortion (abortion pill).

I went in and got an ultrasound, it was sad seeing and knowing that I was about to get rid of this thing inside me. The doctor then gave me a pill to start the contractions, I had very light spotting and cramps... nothing too bad... then two days later I went back and the doctor gave me four little pills to take.

After I took the pills they told me that I could leave and to just come back for a follow-up appointment.

I and my mom left the clinic and waited at the bus stop. While we were sitting there I immediately started feeling sick... I started getting really intense cramps, my head started to hurt, I began to feel nauseous and was sweating all over.

I then started throwing up... feeling embarrassed because people were around and could see that I was really sick... I felt so weak I could hardly stand up, my mom had to hold me up and walk with me back to the clinic.

Once we got inside I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding so much... I was freaking out! I was scared and just wanted it to be over.

I wanted to go home but I told my mom that there's no way that I would be able to get on the bus in my condition, so she had to call my grandma to come get us from the clinic. I didn't want her to know what was going on so I just told her that I was there for a check-up, it was so hard to act like everything was ok, I had to look happy, stand up straight, wipe my tears and just act normal.

We then got to the house about 20 minutes later, when I got home I went to the bathroom and before I could sit down all the way I heard this big plop sound in the toilet and felt something come out of me, I knew that it was the sac that the baby was in... I didn't want to look because I was scared.

After it came out I felt better... the cramps weren't so intense, my headache went away, no more nausea, just a lot of heavy bleeding.

My ex wasn't around when all of this was going on. He came around shortly after, when I told him about me being pregnant and getting rid of it he was sad for me but I still had his support after everything that happened.

My ex was a really nice guy, we used to go to the movies, take walks on the beach at night, he would take me to dinner and just made me feel so special. That all ended when he started to change...

I noticed that he was a different person. He would play too many games and I got tired of it. He was being very disrespectful. We stopped talking for a while and that was it... I didn't expect to hear from him again. 

Fast forward a couple months later, I met this really amazing guy on a dating website. We were talking for a while then started dating. He is now my boyfriend and he makes me very very happy. I remember telling him about an upcoming appointment that I had at the same clinic that I went to before to see if everything was ok after that abortion because I never went back there...

Soo I went to the appointment, the nurse called me in to this back room and started asking me questions. She asked me if I was pregnant and I said no, then she had me pee in a cup just to make sure.

I waited in the waiting room for 10 minutes before having to go back there. I waited again for the doctor to come in. He told me to lift up my shirt so he could do an ultrasound which I thought was a little weird.

While I was laying there he said "You're about 26 weeks" I thought he was joking until I looked at the screen and saw the baby... I was so shocked and confused!

The baby that I had tried to get rid of was still inside me and I didn't know it... I was confused because of the bleeding and stuff that came out of me... I didn't understand how I could still be pregnant... I was so upset that I had to come out and tell my mom the news.

Once we left the clinic I started crying, she asked what was wrong and I told her that I had a failed abortion and that I'm 6 months pregnant, it was too late to do anything about it. My mom couldn't believe it... she kept shaking her head and said "No, no, no. This isn't happening". I felt bad for making her cry and making her sad... it was a lot to handle.

Once we got home I called my ex and told him the news. He was just as shocked as I was, he said he wanted to talk to me and see me so he came that same day, picked me up and talked about everything that was going on. He seemed to be understanding and caring, I knew he was scared to find out that he was going to be a dad, but he didn't show it.

When he dropped me off at home I then told my boyfriend about everything that had happened, he was understanding which was shocking to me. I thought he would leave and never talk to me again. I was glad that he stayed and didn't judge me.

A couple weeks later I tried to talk to my ex... he wouldn't pick up, I would text him and he wouldn't text me back so I knew right away that he was playing games again... I got in contact with him recently on Facebook, I was mad at him and he didn't know why... I told him that I was mad because he left me without telling me anything. He said he had an issue with his phone but I wasn't buying it.

He said he wanted to see me but kept leaving me hanging. I just told him to leave me alone and that me and the baby will be happy without him in our lives. I haven't heard from him since. I wish that he could be there for his child but I know he doesn't want to be around so I can't make him stay.

It just hurts me to know that my kid won't have a dad in his life. I know how it feels to have a dad and its great. I wanted my son to have the same thing. Both parents.

A lot of my family don't know about me being pregnant so I know they will be really upset but hopefully accept it. 

I feel like this baby is a miracle, I feel bad for trying to get rid of him. I'm now glad that those pills I took didn't work because now I will have a beautiful baby boy that I will love forever ❤