I was 17, in school, and pregnant but fell in love at the first scan

I started dating my boyfriend on his 17th birthday when I was 16. It was August and we were both in high school. He was more of a hang-out guy and a slacker where I was a cheerleader and got good grades and always worked hard.

We had our ups and Downs but in February we got some shocking news: I was pregnant. My family was supportive and his was mad, even though he waited to tell them. I was so sad and didn't want to believe it. I was 17!! I was in school!

I also don't know what my boyfriend is going to be like as a dad or Co-parent. But he went with me to appointments and when we got the first ultrasound at almost 14 weeks, I fell in love. I didn't care that I was young or in school. This baby was everything.

Things took a turn when shortly after that I moved in with my grandma because my mom's then-boyfriend sent me sexually harassing texts and she believed him that I was lying. But aside from the failing relationship with my mother I was still happy about my baby. We found out it was a boy and things just got more exciting.

But one day after school, when I was about 24 weeks, I felt a constant pain in my stomach and was rushed to the hospital. I had a rare occurance in which my water sac had slipped into my cervix and caused full on labor.

I was terrified.

Then completely devastated when they told me there was nothing they could do for him. They had to break my water and after what felt Like an eternity, I gave birth to a stillborn boy. After 4 hours Jayden Nathaniel was born perfect and beautiful at 1 pound 5 ounces and 12 and a half inches long.

It was the worst and best moment, the definition of bittersweet. I couldn't understand this. Why was this happening? I wanted this baby and now I have to bury him? Pick out a casket and a headstone?

Losing a baby at 17 is much worse than having one. Not only was I going through this, and family troubles, but my relationship crumbled. I felt so alone. I felt unloved and worthless. I didn't go back to school in my senior year except for half days the last 3 months.

After I turned 18 I wanted to try to have another baby with the same boyfriend. A yr and a half later and I finally get pregnant. But it was short lived because at my first ultrasound the baby had no heartbeat.

I had miscarried. I was convinced then I was not meant to have children. I became more depressed and my boyfriend didn't understand the way I felt. We eventually broke up.

3 months later we get back together and I immediately get pregnant at 19! I was upset and angry because I did not want to go through another loss which I was sure would happen.

• First ultrasound: heartbeat. Okay but its still early.
• Few months pass... still pregnant. Doesn't mean much. I'm having another boy. Wow... I might lose another boy.
• Fast forward to 37 weeks and I'm still in disbelief. I'm having a baby! Oh my gosh, it could happen. 
• Last ultrasound... fluid is too low and I have to be induced so he won't suffocate himself.

December 31, 2015 at exactly noon I see a little boy on my belly instead of in it, not crying, but looking at me and everything with curiosity and wonder. I never thought I would feel so much happiness again in my life. He makes me better everyday and I love him more and more until he almost seems unreal.

I want to give him everything and just make sure he is never sad because his mother loves him so much it is like his forcefield. As u watch my little Liam beau sleep, I tear up because I know everything in my life was just leading up to this.