Our son was born on Boxing Day. He has Down’s syndrome.
By anonymous on 26/05/2009
Our son was born on Boxing Day. He has Down’s syndrome. He has been in foster care during this time to help us to decide on his future. We have tried so very very hard to come to terms with his disability. We have seen him lots, love him so much and have enjoyed caring for him but we have made the painful decision to have him adopted. We have asked for open adoption so that we will be able to see him to make sure he is doing well. This has been the most difficult and painful time of our lives and we are still so deeply upset even now after we have made the decision, but we feel that it is the right decision for all of us. Hopefully, time will help ease the pain we are feeling. Our friends and family have been a great support. I hope our story helps others out there who find themselves in a similar situation. There are no rights and wrongs and it’s important to do what is best for all concerned. It is a long journey but with love you are able to get through.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…It sounds as if your love for your baby has been severely tested by his condition, and you are struggling to cope with a paradoxical variety of feelings that may include love, pain and grief at one end of the spectrum through to guilt and shame on the other. It sounds as if you are trying to do the thing that somehow allows for all those feelings to be accommodated in the best way possible. You have had a huge shock and it’s probably quite difficult to get past the maelstrom of feelings you have.
Making an adoption plan for your son or keeping him and raising him yourself are two decisions that will cost you in your heart, whatever you choose – neither of them is pain-free. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, this course of action must be decided by love. Love may mean you place him for adoption so that he can be loved through life by others, so that he can receive what you are unable to give, or it may mean deciding to love him with your love and keep him with you, facing all the practical and emotional challenges that come with that. Whatever the final outcome, you will need some support for coming through the tough emotions you are experiencing. I trust you have found the other stories on this site that are similar to yours. If you don’t currently have any emotional support, please get in touch with your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor. We’ll be thinking of you.