After a one night stand, I never told the father about the abortion, it was just a huge and shameful secret

I was 20 when I fell pregnant after a one night stand with a guy I knew from university.

I was unaware that I was pregnant as I went to the doctors and they thought it was because of other medical problems.

After still not getting my period when I got back to uni after the xmas break, I decided to go to the doctors again as I was getting no answers, and I finally found out I was pregnant.

I couldn't tell if I was surprised or not, I just felt weird. I confided in one friend as I didn't want to have to go through it alone and I knew I would need someone to help cover up for me disappearing to the hospital for my appointments.

A huge and shameful secret

My abortion came at a really bad time, I was in my final year at uni and had exams coming up, so the stress of everything was so bad, never mind having to keep what I felt was a huge and shameful secret.

The girl that I confided in betrayed me and that made the whole thing worse, as she told my best friend who then fell out with me because I hadn't told her myself.

It brought the pain of the whole experience back again as I'd just tried to forget about it from the offset.

I never told the father about the abortion

I thought I wasn't coping, until it came to that point where I had to talk to the father, who I never told about the abortion.

I decided I could either talk to him then, or never again, and decided that if I was to truly put it behind me, I had to carry on as if it never happened.

I speak to him all the time, but I saw him today for the first time after the abortion, and yes it did feel weird. I used to feel like this when I saw him prior to getting pregnant, which was nice as I had no idea how I would feel, and I played our meeting over and over in my head.

Though I do occasionally cry about the whole experience, I think that's normal as my body is most certainly still recovering, and I have only just stopped bleeding after the surgery.

I am most looking forward to having sex again, but I will make sure not to make the same mistake again!

Editor's Comment

This is one of the hardest situations when you get pregnant after a one night stand as there is no supportive relationship with the father.

It sounds as well that you didn't get the support you needed from your friend either.

You talk about your abortion being a huge and shameful secret and that sounds like quite a burden to carry around in the future.

It may help you to talk this through with an advisor so that you can process what you have been through rather than trying to pretend it never happened. You can find somebody to talk to at a centre in your area.