I've been scouring the internet for warnings and side-effects of Medical Termination

Hello All, I wrote a while ago to tell my story “I'm suffering from Post-Abortion Stress” of a Medical Termination I had on 7th Nov 2008 at 22 yrs old.

I have since encountered problems with bleeding that have not yet stopped ever since, as well as severe cramps and emotional outbursts.

I have been scouring the internet for warnings and side-effects of the Medical Termination and I am irritated to read advice from various abortion clinics that down-play the severity of this treatment.

Apparently you can walk around and do normal things, such as watch TV, many sites suggest.

Any of you ladies actually manage to catch Eastenders or Working Lunch on THAT day? Because I sure as hell didn't

I found the entire experience extremely traumatic. I collapsed on the way home, threw up in the car, had to be carried into the house, suffered from contractions which frightened me and while not the most painful experience I have felt, completely took me by surprise, as I have never experienced that type of pain before.

My legs shook for hours (apparently caused by medical ‘shock’). I was clammy, disorientated and unable to speak.

I had no idea how long it would go on for. It lasted for five hours, during which time I passed what looked like liver the size of my hand.

I am so incredibly angry at the hospital for omitting to tell me these things. I think they know that women would back out at the last minute if we were more informed but that IS NOT justification for deciding that it 'is for the best' to keep US in the dark.

We need to know all the facts. We have that right. I am now scared that my reproductive system has been damaged. The drug used in Medical Terminations is not fully safe as I had to sign a disclaimer before they gave it to me. At the time I was desperate, so I pushed the dangers to the back of my mind. I have been given antibiotics twice and been referred for a hysteroscopy.

The hospital however never received the Doctor's letter so now I have to wait even longer for my appointment.

I am scared. I am bleeding old, gloopy, brown blood. I have strange abdominal pains every day. I am tired due to iron deficient anaemia caused by my heavy, three week bleed following the termination.

People keep asking me why am I tired, why am I sad, why am I crying so much... people who know what happened in November. I am expected to get over it? I can't.

I try not to get upset in front of my partner as he wanted to keep him. (Our little boy, as I think of the ‘pregnancy product.’ How can they call it that?) So I build up to an enormous pressure and then completely go to pieces. Sit on the floor. Rocking myself in comfort. Tears and mucus and dribble down my face like a child. Face contorted. Mouth stretched in a silent scream. I can't get it out. I need to get it out.

I want to stand alone in the middle of nowhere and scream out every last bit of my pain. "Why are you sad? Why are you crying? What's wrong?" THIS is why. Why can't they see it??

I have stopped picking verbal fights with my partner now as I saw this was a highly damaging pattern to fall into. I have recently become aware that I mother him instead. I stroke his head, sweep his hair to one side, kiss his head, inhale deeply, hold him to my chest and envelope him. And imagine a younger version of him.

I fantasize about the Little Boy who would have Been. I can see him in my partner. I love my partner so much and yet I have destroyed half of him. And half of me... although that I can deal with.

“Medical Termination is safest, quickest and the easiest method available...

Side effects: You may feel a little down afterwards.” SUBSTITUTE THAT WITH: My Medical Termination was the most traumatic experience of my life. I shan't ever forget it. I can't stop crying. I am still in PAIN. I have suffered many, many side effects and complications since.

I would not wish it on anyone. I would not advise it to anyone. 7th November 2008 - Ongoing and counting.