Before my doctor could lay out my options I'd already decided on abortion

I thought it was a urine infection but I was pregnant

I am 19 years old and I had an abortion just two days ago on Friday.

I found out about my pregnancy on Wednesday night which was New Years Eve. I was devastated. I had been feeling tired, angry, and in pain for three weeks. I researched a lot and came to the conclusion that I must have a urine infection.

My mom started getting worried because I would be so tired and in pain all the time. She made me call the doctor and demanded that I go in right away to find out what the problem was. I was in pain so my mom took me but waited in the waiting room and I went in and the doctor had me take a urine test.

I was in denial

I had not told her I was sexually active the past few months but decided to finally tell her. She felt my lower abdomen where I complained of the pain and had one of the nurses check my pregnancy test through the urine. It came out positive.

I was in denial so the doctor did it herself and it was positive again. I was shocked. I couldn't believe this. My boyfriend and I never use protection but I still thought we were being safe and, wow, did I feel stupid.

Before my doctor could lay out my options I had already decided I am having the abortion. She came to the conclusion that I am nearly seven weeks. I would need to get this done fast before it was too late.

My family is not to find out anything so I didn't get a referral from her to go to a certain clinic because of insurance. I am on my parents’ insurance so I had to find a private place on my own.

While we were on our way back home I was just devastated. I felt sick, depressed, and incredibly angry at myself. I hated myself!

We started searching for clinics

When we got home I rushed to my room and called my boyfriend to tell him right away. We met up within that hour and discussed the whole situation. He had already started researching and we started looking for clinics. It was New Year’s Eve and the next day would be New Year’s Day so we couldn't do anything until the holidays would be over.

My boyfriend and I had been going through problems for a while before I found out about my pregnancy because of my pains. I would be in a bad mood and I didn't want to meet him or talk to him. I felt like I was completely over him and then this happened.

He was supportive & caring, I was the bad guy

He was very supportive and loving and caring towards me as always. I was the bad guy. He knew once this was over that I would leave him. I read through hundreds of stories and felt so bad for the girls who had to go through this on their own because their stupid boyfriends left them upon finding out they were pregnant. And here I was with such an amazing guy who did everything for me but I was being a bitch.

He actually told me that he wouldn't mind having the baby. He didn't want to kill it; he was depressed. Anyway, I wanted this pregnancy to be over asap! I couldn't stand the pains anymore and I wanted to get on with life. I hadn't gone out at all and college was going to start the following week.

The lady at the first abortion provider was super rude

My boyfriend called Planned Parenthood (an American abortion provider) the following morning to get me an appointment but the lady was super rude! She gave us an appointment for Tuesday at a far away clinic and said I would have to go that day or else it would be too late. I hated the lady. She didn't answer my questions nicely and got mad when I asked her to repeat.

The next lady was super nice

After I hung up, I was crying because I did not want to wait until Tuesday. My boyfriend started looking up other places and we decided to call a clinic in Beverly Hills. This lady was super nice! She explained the process to me over the phone and understood completely that I needed the earliest appointment so she gave me an appointment the same day! Wowww! I was soooooooooooooooo happy! We left within an hour.

I had lost all hope that I would get it done with this weekend but it worked, thanks to my boyfriend.

The man doctor was extremely nice

I was kind of saddened to find out that the person doing this procedure is a man and I read some reviews about how rude he was but I’d rather do this than wait until Tuesday.

We got in and did some paper work and I was called in twenty minutes after. That was quick! I heard Planned Parenthood made you wait forever. Anyway, the man doctor was extremely kind and helpful. He went over the procedure and answered all my questions and concerns and tried to help me to relax. He said it’s nothing to worry about and it’ll be over before I know it.

First, I gave them a urine sample and than I had to undress waist down. I had the cover on me, thank God.

He was going to do a vaginal ultrasound and that stick scared me. I thought it would have to be inserted all the way but it was just a little bit; just a little pressure, no pain at all. It was over in about seven minutes and I found out I was only about four weeks. I was so relieved.

The nurse was a sweatheart

The nurse came in and she was a sweetheart. She went over instructions about the pills and had me swallow the first one, mifepristone. I was told I wouldn't feel anything after this pill.

I was given the four tablets for misoprostol cytotec to be taken after the next 24 hours bucally along with about ten pain killer tablets.

The doctor and nurse both told me that it will be quite painful after misoprostol. I would have bad cramps and heavy bleeding with clots and I would throw up but it’s all normal. I was glad I was told it wouldn't be easy because I knew to prepare for the worst.

The procedure cost 450 dollars! but my boyfriend paid it all.

The first pill was fine

Well, the first pill seemed to go fine...I still had some bad abdominal pains as I’ve been having the past three weeks. At night it got worse because I wasn't able to sit. I had to lie down or else I felt like I would die. It was unbearable but there was no bleeding.

The next day I took four misoprostol tablets

The next day, after the 24 hours, I took the first pain killer as I was told to. A few minutes after, I put the four misoprostol tablets in my mouth, two on each side of my cheek and gums, to dissolve for 30 minutes. I was to swallow the remains after 30 minutes.

During that time I got very sleepy. But I made myself stay awake. After I swallowed the remains, I fell asleep for a little bit. I started feeling cramps within 30 minutes.

The cramps were the worst I’ve ever had in my life! I couldn't believe how painful this was. I was laying in bed lifeless praying to God for it to be over soon. I rushed to the bathroom and saw four blood clots pass. I wasn't able to see properly because I wear glasses and I didn't put them on when I went to the bathroom.

Anyway, I took pain killers every hour or half hour.

Shortly after I threw up and that made my throat burn and my eyes red and watery. I was on the bathroom floor and I felt like I was dying.

I was in my room for ten hours. The pain eased up after eight hours but the cramping was still there. I didn't want to eat drink or anything. My mom was concerned but I told her it’s just my period and it’s worse this time that's all.

My boyfriend kept calling/texting throughout the day but I was in too much pain to answer and he was really depressed as well. I called him back later that night and told him it’s gotten better now.

Now it’s one day after and I still have some cramping but not as bad as yesterday. Still painful and I feel kind of nauseous. I can’t wait until the next appointment to finally have it confirmed that it was successful so I can put this behind me once and for all.

The worst experience of my life taught me a lot

I feel pretty upset about all this. I never expected any of this to happen to me. I knew I was screwing up and I didn't stop until I hit rock bottom which is now. I now know better and I’ll be more responsible. I’m still with my boyfriend and I plan to stay because of how good he had been to me. I feel fortunate to have someone so great.

But now I need to start being more careful. This was the worst experience of my life but it taught me a lot.

Editor’s note:

Thanks for sharing your experience with us…

It’s interesting hearing from someone in the States about the differences in procedures for abortion and that may help any American readers to know what to expect from Planned Parenthood.

I have a few concerns for you… firstly, the urgency and haste with which you made your decision meant that you didn’t really have the opportunity to consider all the options and how you might feel about an abortion at a deeper level. It feels as if you wanted it sorted so that you could regain control and carry on as you did before, without giving a thought to how you might be affected by the deeper meaning of pregnancy and abortion afterwards.

Pregnancy and abortion can also be a problem when they are kept secret from parents. It feels so urgent to cover up one’s mistakes and avoid shame, doesn’t it? But it is often at the cost of our closest relationships. Secrets create a barrier and I wonder how your relationships with your mum and dad have been affected?

There is some concern, too, about your boyfriend. Having expressed a view that he didn’t want to ‘kill it’, there are questions to ask about what was going on in his heart about being a father. He seems to be more aware of the meaning of the abortion than you are, and may be hurting about it, even though he felt compelled to 'sort' the situation too. It doesn’t sound as if you were particularly willing to contemplate how he might be feeling about the pregnancy. He may need to talk it through and have some post-abortion support.

It may be that the deeper meaning of what has happened will affect you, too, at some later stage. You said you found the whole thing upsetting but you don’t say why, except that you didn’t expect it to happen to you.

Perhaps, at some point, even years hence, you may feel you need some time to work through your response to your experience. Help can be found through Optionline; just search for it on the internet.