I had a termination after finding I was pregnant just before my 30th birthday 2 years ago. Should I be over it by now?

Just before my 30th birthday (2 years ago), I found out I was pregnant. Unplanned and also a huge shock. I decided to terminate the pregnancy.

I had not been with the father very long, but he stood by me and my choice.

I knew I was pregnant at 4 weeks and the wait was horrendous. So many thoughts: ‘Should I? Shouldn’t I?’ And a lot of ‘what-ifs?’.

On the morning, I was still confused, but I went ahead with the abortion.

A few days later there was grief, guilt, sadness, tears and still a lot of ‘what-ifs?’.

Two years later, I still feel the same.

I’ve blamed myself and my partner. I don’t think I will get over it.

My boyfriend suggested this site. I think he thinks I should be over it by now?

Editor’s note:

Thanks for writing in…

It sounds as if you are struggling with some difficult emotions and not moving on from them, but staying stuck in them.

You’ve been through anniversaries of the abortion and the due date now, which suggests to me that some post-abortion support would be beneficial to help you move out of this stuck place.

There can be many reasons why we stay stuck in grief and guilt – sometimes we feel we should be, as a kind of punishment.

These are all issues that a post-abortion recovery programme can help you with.

Now you’ve had enough courage to write your story on our website, perhaps you could now find your nearest centre for post-abortion support and make an appointment to see someone.

It’s the first step on the journey to a new place where you’ll be able to relate to your abortion experience in a healthier way.

We’ll be thinking of you.