I completed my medical abortion yesterday and was not prepared for the agony afterwards

I'm 18 and I completed my medical abortion yesterday and I was not prepared for the agony afterwards.

I was in so much pain, the worst physical pain I have felt in my life, and I did not bleed for a few hours and then it just all came at once and I've been bleeding really heavily ever since.

I was 9 and 1/2 weeks pregnant so I was told to expect more bleeding than what you'd usually expect.

What shocked me though was that I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago (last Saturday) and by the Monday I had my first doctor's appointment.

A week later I was at the hospital (Monday) and had to take the first pill, I did not expect this at all. In fact, I was not told what to expect.

And not at one point did anyone ask if I was sure.

The only person who knew about this was my boyfriend. I could not tell my mom or any other member of my family because I would not be able to deal with how disappointed they would be with me for even getting pregnant.

I was terrified yesterday but now that fear seems to have been replaced with sadness and immense guilt.

It's strange but it seems weird that everyone can carry on like nothing has happened, when it feels like I can't. It feels like I can't carry on at all.

I just need to know that this feeling will pass.

I can't talk to my boyfriend about it, he doesn't understand.

Editor’s note:

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I am so sorry that you are in such emotional pain right now, and that there is no one else close to you who you can share it with. I encourage you to make contact with your local centre, as there are people who will really understand how you are feeling, and want to support you through this difficult time.

You have a lot of painful emotions to be handling, and you will start to feel better able to cope as you get an opportunity to begin working through them.

I am sad for you that no one checked that you were sure about your choice, and it sounds as if all the big decisions were made while you were still adjusting to the news of your pregnancy. It seems as if your head was responding with practical issues, but the voice of your heart did not get a chance to be heard.

Now your heart is hurting, but there is real support available for you, and I do hope you will seek it, as you will find that the pain will start to lessen as you push forwards for help.

Thank you and well done for writing in – that is the first step you have taken towards recovery. We’ll be thinking about you.