He told "the world" I'm expecting and now I fear to have this abortion and people asking questions

I am 30 years old, when I was 19 I fell pregnant to an ex-boyfriend I got engaged to for 3 years. We decided we didn't want the baby and we were not ready to become parents, I was young and still living my life too. I had no hesitations about it and went to the clinic and had a surgical appointment. I didn't feel upset after it, I just tired and glad it was over. We broke up a year after that.

When I was 24 I was seeing a guy I had known through a girl I went to school with, we dated for a few months and I unexpectedly fell pregnant to him. I wasn't as scared this time because my sister just had a baby and I was so in love with her that I felt clucky as it was, I was contemplating abortion again but I couldn't bring myself to do it...

Read more surgical abortion stories.

I told him about it and he was not happy. He was devastated!! He told me to have an abortion and that he didn't want this baby at all... He didn't talk to me for weeks and then messaged me saying "did you go to the doctors yet?" and I replied to him "no!". He again told me he didn't want this and to please consider his feelings too...

We then decided to go out to dinner to discuss everything. I liked him a lot and he liked me too, we got along really well and had a lot in common. But then he dropped a bomb shell on me and told me that his ex girlfriend was pregnant with his son!

He didn't want to tell me because he thought I would leave him, I was in so much shock!! He begged and begged me while I cried. He took me home and I told my mother, she was just as shocked.

I didn't want an abortion and I was in a really good supporting and loving home and my family were happy for me, I was working and I had money to look after this child. I thought about it after a few days and called him to tell him I was keeping it, I am sorry but I want this baby!

I shouldn't have to have an abortion because of his actions. I couldn't go on the contraceptive pill or any other contraceptive (hormonal drug) because I had DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) all we had was condoms and for him to pull out which he "didn't" and knew about my circumstances.

Anyway I made my choice, he struggled with this and didn't know how to tell his parents who I barely knew. When they found out they were supportive but very disappointment in him. He was forced by his family to come around and see me and try and be supportive but he barely showed up or made an effort, I was upset with him still over the news he had told me...

After a few months his ex had his baby son and he went to the hospital, I barely heard from him next thing you know I see on Facebook he is in a relationship with her and moved into her place. I was angry but realised I didn't need him if he was going to act like this... I continued on with my life without him.

I had my baby, he saw him a few times and then he just gave up completely and walked away from his son. He is now 4, going on 5, I raised him on my own.

After my son was about 10 months old I met someone else, he was great with my son. I was with him for about 2 and a half years and we moved out together. I fell pregnant again but had no idea and lost the baby so I was so in denial about it and it broke my heart.

When I went home I realised how much I would love to have another child and after a few months, we decided to try for another child. I fell pregnant 2-3 months later... I had another son who is now 2 and a half.

Sadly my ex-fiancé the father who raises both my boys and they both call him dad cheated on me, we were supposed to get married November 7 2015. We have been broken up for a year and a half now... But he is still a great father to the boys and gives them everything... He has a new girlfriend now too.

So my present: what's happening right now...

Started dating again, with a guy I have known since we were in primary school.. We used to have a crush on each other for ages but nothing ever happened between us, until last year, we fell in love, he already has two kids to his ex when he was quite young, sadly he barely gets to see them because she is difficult... cheated on him with his old best friend! :/

Anyway he is great with my kids, he moved into my place and things have been great, the only problem we have is that our financial stability isn't the best! He works as a landscaper now and is only just passing his 3 month probation period, he isn't full time and he has debts from years ago he is trying to get out of.

He doesn't pay me for shopping, just rent, because of this, but once his debts are sorted he will be fine. I accept him and don't judge him for the past, I can't afford to help him because I have to pay other things like bills, shopping, rent. Kids school fees and so on. I'm not working.

He is a great man just our financial situation isn't the best, though we will get past this hopefully soon, it's not easy.

He wanted to have another child because he wants the chance to be the father he has always wanted to be... I told him maybe when we get married or close to it and my boys are in primary school and we are financially sorted etc..

But I was late last week and did a home pregnancy test and have fallen pregnant!! I can not believe it!! Not again!! 😳 He was excited and I was so confused..

I woke up wanting it then days I cried and I just didn't... I said to my partner we are just not ready... This isn't the time and we needed to be in better living arrangements and financially we just can't, we will struggle...

I can't for the life of me decide between having this abortion or just keeping it and dealing with it, finding ways.

He started to tell his friends and I just assumed "oh I guess I'm having it" I told him we really need to sit down and talk about this properly. I told my mother, sister and best friend, that's it (for support). He told his best friend and his best friends girlfriend found out. He told his mother who told the rest of the family and she told people at his work and random "old friends" he bumped into according to his best friends girlfriend... I was devastated.

We had our huge talk yesterday and decided on abortion...

We are not ready as much as we would like to be, I'm finding this really hard to cope with and I am petrified and worried I am making a mistake now. I booked into my appointment and it's tomorrow at 1:00pm.

My partner and I had an argument tonight over him telling "the world" I'm expecting and now I fear to have this abortion and people asking questions. I am already in doubt. His sister doesn't believe in abortions and asked me to keep it! I told her I just can't afford to and neither can he.

What do I do? Am I making the right choice? I can't afford to have a child, suffer and make a mistake... I have already got two kids and I am just lucky enough the ex is so good with them and is a great father. I need help before I regret this...