They all echoed my fears and I decided to abort and phoned BPAS

I'm 26, single and 5 weeks pregnant

When I found out I was pregnant, I was five weeks gone. I am 26 and single but have an alright job. I got pregnant for my ex. We had split up a few months prior but I then bumped into him at a supermarket one day and we got talking again and had a one-off hook up. That was when I conceived (I took the morning after pill but it obviously didn't work).

We were unmarried and not even together

He is 32 and has always talked about wanting a child (desperately, I must add) but I didn't like the idea of having a child outside wedlock. I told him about the pregnancy and he got very excited. He immediately started making plans but I then had to burst his bubble by saying I wasn't sure I wanted to keep it as not only were we not married, we weren't even together.

He tried to convince me but I told him I wasn't ready to be a mother financially, emotionally etc. because that was the truth. He too couldn't possibly be able to afford it as he had a crappy job that didn't pay very well. I then said he needed to give me a few days to make up my mind as to what I was going to do.

I decided to abort and phoned BPAS

I spoke to my sisters and a couple close friends and they all echoed my fears.

I decided I was going to abort. I phoned Bpas and arranged an initial consultation which I attended a week after. At the consultation, a treatment day was then booked for a week after that day.

Surgical abortion under local anaesthetic 

When I went in for treatment, I was very nervous as I had never had an abortion before and didn't know what to expect (this was my first pregnancy). I waited in the waiting area for a few minutes and was then called in to confirm my details etc. and then went back to wait in the waiting area for the next step. I was so anxious but I really needed it over and done with.

About an hour later I was called in by a nurse who then asked me to take off my clothes and change into a gown she gave me. The staff were all very nice and friendly actually.

I opted for the local anaesthetic surgical abortion as I had heard/read really horrible things about the medical one and I wanted to be awake through the process. 3 girls went in before me and all came out looking normal and relieved so I thought to myself, it can't be that bad then.

When it was my turn, I was called in and given directions by the doctor, there was also a nurse present.

The doctor said "I'm sorry but I just couldn't do it"

After about 5 minutes of doing his thing, the doctor came up and said "I'm sorry but I just couldn't do it" for a second I thought he was joking and was about to say "just kidding" but he didn't. He started explaining why he couldn't and out of nowhere, I burst into tears.

Why me? Why's everything failing? First the morning after pill, now this! Were these signs?

Anyways, he explained that it had to do with my cervix and that he couldn't get in. He then asked his nurse to explain better to me as I was in tears and didn't seem like I was grasping anything.

I could have a medical abortion the same day

The nurse outside comforted me and then explained things better. That I could have the medical one that same day or I could book another appointment for the surgical one but I had to take some pills prior to the surgery in order to soften my cervix.

I spoke to my friend on the phone before making my decisions. I really thought all these failures were either God punishing me or signs from Him that I needed to keep the baby. That day I told them I was no longer sure I wanted to go ahead with the abortion but that I was due to go on holiday in 5 days and I would call them when I get back with my decision.

I decided to keep the baby

That day I decided I was going to keep the baby, that I would try my best to provide for it. So I went on holiday for a week with my sister but as a pregnant woman. It was very difficult for me. I did try to enjoy the holiday, however.

Surgical abortion under general anaesthetic

The day I got back I decided there was no way I could carry on with the pregnancy. I hated the way I felt. I grew so much hate for the foetus and it wasn't its fault. So I decided to try again, this time under general anaesthetic asleep. I was then referred to a bigger clinic which was much farther away.

I booked a b&b so I could stay the night there as I wasn't allowed to drive for 24 hrs after and I couldn't get someone to come with me.

My appointment was for 8:20 am on a Saturday morning. I got there right on time and there were loads of people waiting.

After about 30 mins wait I was called in to confirm my details and asked to go back to the waiting area to wait for a nurse to call me.

I was starving and very nervous. I had been told not to eat from 12 midnight the night before. I was so nervous as I had always had this fear about being put to sleep for any type of surgery, that I may not wake up again.

Anyways after about an hour wait, I was then called in by the nurse. She did the paperwork and I signed, checked my blood pressure, then explained the cervix situation and that she needed to give me some medication to soften it. I agreed and then I was given two tablets to put in my mouth between my gum and cheeks on either side of my mouth and let it dissolve.

I was then taken upstairs to my own room and was told the medication would take about 2 hours to start working so I had to wait at least two hours in that room.

A kind nurse kept coming to check that I was fine. I spent most of the waiting time falling in and out of sleep so time passed quickly. When I eventually woke up I had waited about 2 and a half hours there. I started getting really impatient and wanted it over and done with already.

A nurse came to explain why it was taking so long to get me into the theatre but that someone would come to get me shortly and it goes quickly after that. She gave me a gown to change into and disposable knickers and a pad.

I then waited for about another 45 minutes before someone came to get me, at which point I was very starved. I smiled as I really wanted it done by this time.

I was taken to a room and asked to lie on the bed. There were 2 nurses there with the anaesthetist. They kept complimenting my hair (I had really long braids). I was wheeled into the theatre and there were about 4 other doctor/nurses there.

I felt dizzy, blinked and opened my eyes in recovery

After a couple minutes, I started feeling dizzy and I blinked and opened my eyes and I was in the recovery area (well it felt like I only just blinked).

When I woke up I was eager to know everything had gone fine and I started speaking to a nurse who was attending to another girl but I don't think what I was saying was making much sense so she just smiled and said I was now in recovery and that I will be just fine.

After a while, a nurse came to me and asked if I was having any pains but I wasn't, none at all! And I never did, thankfully! She checked my bleeding and it was light.

After about 15 minutes I was taken to another recovery room and given a glass of water. There were other girls there and a couple nurses who were asking me about my name, how you say it, what I'm called by my parents etc. (I have a complicated name lol). At this point I was feeling very happy inside, I was beaming as I felt very relieved that it was all over.

I then got taken upstairs and was given a sandwich and a drink. I got changed and was later on seen by a nurse who confirmed everything went fine, she gave me some antibiotics and said it was ok to go home if I felt like it. I felt fine at this point and left.

I listened to my music and then called my sister and explained the whole process to her. I felt so relieved and happy. When I got to the b&b, I slept for a few hours. By the time I woke up I was sooo hungry so I ordered some pizza.

I never felt any guilt and am so relieved it's over

I never for once felt any guilt and I am soo relieved that phase is over because I know that was the right decision I made. I have decided to abstain henceforth until I get married because I ain't risking nothing. I know I could use any of the many contraceptives but thanks, I'd just rather abstain.