It was like they were sucking my soul out

Where do I even begin... well it all started late May and throughout June of this summer, where I would go out, socialize and drink. Then I met someone who at first was nothing more than a great friend. We would even hang out sober and got really close at a certain point.

But anyways there was this one night, where we were all hanging out and had way too much to drink, that this "friend" and I just couldn't control ourselves anymore. It was the first time we had sex and it felt so right because we were still very close after it happened. We had this bond that no one else had.

But the last thing I expected was to get pregnant. We messed around a few times after that as well. So anyways this happened at the beginning of the month and I noticed by the end of the month my period never came. Using the "pull out" method apparently wasn't the best idea.

So I called him and told him I was late (on my period) and he told me to get a pregnancy test fast! I did and I took it just to see the result I did not want to see. I was pregnant.

It was hard telling him I was crying, I was scared, I didn't know what to do. He was just as shocked and we both agreed we did not want it. So we talked about abortion.

I made an appointment and all, but he never called me back or anything after that. He completely abandoned me.

When I went to the clinic they told me I was 6 weeks pregnant and I decided to do the surgical abortion.

I didn't know what to expect. So they made us change into a gown, they took our ultrasounds,then they made us take pills to soften the cervix.

The waiting room was terrifying. A room full of females feeling all types of emotions. Some were crying, others asleep, others sitting in deep thought, then there was me; I was staring at the wall with my leg shaking my heart pounding, I wanted to cry so bad.

What did I get myself into? I wanted to walk out and go home but they called me up next for the procedure and that's when I told myself there's no going back.

They laid me down on the bed and began the procedure (I was wide awake) as soon as they stuck the vacuum inside and sucked out the baby, I had the WORST cramps ever in my life like they were sucking my soul out, I was screaming in tears I wanted them to stop. I was holding on to the nurse's hand screaming my heart away. I felt like the baby did not want to leave me, I felt so bad.

Afterwards (5 mins later) everything was over. I felt weak and I was panting, I felt like I almost died. I went into the recovery room and drank punch and crackers. I stayed for about 15 mins and I got pills prescribed for the pain. I went home afterwards since a friend gave me a ride.

After everything, my "friend" still doesn't speak to me. I made sure to keep him out of my life. All I wanted was support, a friend, nothing more but he couldn't even do that. It still hurts thinking about the whole situation but i became stronger than who i was before.

I don't regret my decision since it's for the best. I want to be a mother in the future. But a mother with a future, financially stable, my own place, and with a supporting husband. I still have "what if" thoughts... but i know my time isn't now.