My abortion was the worst mistake I have ever made

I had an abortion, it was the worst mistake I have ever made, and I feel lifelong regret 3 years on.

We had been together 2 years... During sex I told him I wanted a baby. I loved him so much and the connection I felt was so strong, he said he wanted one too, just not yet. Little did I know I was already 8 weeks pregnant. When I took a test and sent it to him, saying I'm pregnant, he practically said abortion...

I was angry, hurt and distraught that somebody I loved didn't love someone inside me, so just like that I ended it without a thought in a careless selfish act!

I remember going to the clinic, signing the forms, taking 2 tablets and then being sent home... I didn't know it would happen so fast seeing the babies arms, head, legs. I felt such self-disgust and self-hate but he didn't understand my feelings and what I was going through.

As soon as I did it I sent him a message "done it so you don't have to worry about shit". In my eyes he didn't care about me or our child, this life inside me.. He cared more about his existing child and what his mother would think, so selfish and inconsiderate, bear in mind we are grown ups...

Immediately I became depressed, depression in my life started from there...

Everything that's gone on in my life didn't compare to what I had just done. I wish I could take it back, I wish...

I killed my child in April 2013, I never forget that, I always see him or her, the blood, the pain the tears the screams.

I remember drinking to cope with my pain, drinking excessively... being all cried out... 3 years later, I'm still with the same guy and we have another child. Yet I'm still bruised, still wounded, still depressed.

There's days when I feel okay and days when I break down and cry, trying to hide my pain, especially from him, I feel at times all cried out yet tears keep coming.

Please don't put your self through this pain.