I chose to abort my baby.

Hi, today is July 8th 2015 , 2 days after my abortion, it hasn't been the easiest week for me, a couple of weeks actually. I found out I was pregnant maybe 2 weeks after my birthday, in the beginning I was excited I supposed, but in all honestly I was just playing the role, doing what I had to.

My fiancé was in full support, 2 months into the pregnancy, I was experiencing horrible morning sickness in my case all day sickness, I boxed myself in, stayed in bed until forced out by my body, it was that time alone I chose to abort my baby. I am nineteen and the only thing I have is a high school degree I plan to keep going but knew the baby would put a hold on things on top of that I wasn't ready. I felt invaded, my heart was resentful, no place for a baby to grow and be loved, I cried and cried, and finally called planned parent hood, and set a appointment.

I was horrified of the unknown, I choose to do the pill but change my mind once I got to the clinic. I've never liked the idea of doctors touching my privates even as a kid, during regular check ups I hated taking my clothes off and putting that gown on. I thought the pill would  stretch the abortion over a numerous of days and I am not a fan of large amounts of blood, so I cried because I didn't know what to do, I just knew I had to do it.

I can't tell you when or how I made the decision to go for the surgical abortion I just remember getting called to the back and getting up. They didn't offer any knockout medicine apparently the day I came they were not offering that treatment. When the doctors came in, they asked how I was I said scared and began to cry, I had never even had a pap smear, you get them after 21 . But she said that was the first process, the pressure immediately shocked me. They had a 'hand hold' doctor, someone whose hand you could hold, I was grateful to have her. Funny how we can find comfort in a stranger. The doctor let me know each step she was on, I was fully awake, I just counted each step, "3rd step down two more to go".

When she was almost done she warned me of the intense cramps that where coming, and boy was she right, in a weird way I was reliever because I also knew that ment it was over. It was over, I felt woozy and crampy but relieved. I thanked everyone for there help. I slept a lot during my pregnancy I haven't slept much lately no real reason just not tired, at first I wasn't pooping but today I did, all in all it's mental, I won't advocate to do it again, but I defiinitely let my imagination run wild. I'll be going back to work soon, and from now on I'll protect myself, I don't want to feel invaded like that ever again, or have to choose to even give or take my child's life.

Editor's Comment

You obviously had a number of reasons for ending your pregnancy, but if nausea and vomiting are a key issue in the decision, you can get medication to control these symptoms as they can be very debilitating and depressing.