Pressured by everyone, different people were saying different things, I didn't know what I wanted

Hi, I am 17 years old and had an abortion on the 6/6/15.

My boyfriend is 18 and we have been together and still are now for 10 months. I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant and we both decided to keep it despite what his mum was saying.

We then went and told my parents together and they were awful! They basically put it in terms to choose them or the baby.

I felt pressured by everyone! I had different people saying different things and I didn't know what I wanted.

Finally, I went back to live at home and I figured I can't carry on studying at college and I will have to quit work. After a week of being at home and my boyfriend not there to hold my hair and rub my back whilst being sick and giving me lots of love I realised I couldn't hack pregnancy and I wasn't ready.

My family were so relieved when I told them my decision.

So off I went to have the termination. I had a surgical abortion due to the fact I have a very low blood count. After the abortion, I felt awful. Just in pain and basically feeling so drained and low.

After 2 weeks of having the abortion, everything is a constant reminder. Me and my boyfriend are rocky. I feel useless, ugly, guilty. I'm constantly seeing mums and babies and it's really starting to get to me. No-one seems to understand me or how I feel inside.

I wish I had never gone through with it as now I feel alone and empty knowing I don't have my little girl/boy growing inside me despite me only being 8.5 weeks gone. I still felt that warm feeling, I started to show early as well so knowing I had my little sweet pea inside me and looking down at him/her every day.

Even though I couldn't cope with being so poorly I still felt amazing. Me and my boyfriend planned everything and wanted to prove that we could do it and not all teenage parents are let downs!

I just want to feel normal again. I really can't get over it. I feel so low, so so low.