I had a surgical termination under conscious sedation yesterday at 8 weeks of pregnancy at a BPAS clinic

Surgical abortion at 8 weeks... I found out that I was pregnant 4 weeks ago and had a surgical termination under conscious sedation yesterday.

I 100% know that I can not have another baby (I already have 3 children) and my partner was clear that I would be doing it alone if I decided to keep it.

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I already knew I wanted the surgical option

I visited my GP 3 days after I had a positive pregnancy test and they referred me to BPAS. I had to wait about 2.5 weeks for my appointment with them but I already knew I wanted the surgical option rather than medical route (I'm a gynaecologist nurse and have cared for women having both).

At my initial consultation, I found the first lady very nice, really helpful and non-judgemental.

Abrupt and very judgemental

Unfortunately the same could not be said for the nurse practitioner who did my ultrasound. She was very abrupt and came across as very judgemental.

She also left the scan pictures hanging off the side of the machine right in front of me before she laid them face up on the table while she talked to me! To make matters worse she then proceeded to hold them up to the light (just to make doubly sure I saw them no doubt!)

I opted for surgical with sedation so I'd be awake but 'relaxed'

Fast forward to my procedure. I opted for surgical with sedation, meaning I would be awake but 'relaxed' through the procedure. I didn't want a GA as I have children at home and I didn't want to be in clinic for hours and hours or be 'out of it' when I came home.

I was welcomed to the clinic and saw a lovely nurse who booked me in and tried to cannulate me (small tube into your vein) unfortunately she was unable to do so as my veins aren't the best!

After waiting for quite a long time I was taken to 'the ward' where I got changed into a theatre gown and then waited to be collected to go in to the theatre.

I can't praise the theatre staff enough

All of the theatre staff were lovely, I honestly can't praise them enough. The doctor attempted to cannulate me (and failed!) so the anaesthetist did it.

They gave me a dose of Fentanyl through the cannula and pretty much straight away I felt really floaty but was still talking etc. then they gave me something else before they started the procedure. I have to say I felt it and it was very painful.

I was in tears at one point

I burst in to tears at one point as it hurt so much but the staff were great and kept talking to me and reassuring me.

Then it was over (really quite quickly), I had an antibiotic (metronidazole) given to me PR (rectally) and I was walked through to recovery. They brought my partner down immediately and I stayed there for about an hour or so before I felt ready to leave.

Cramps have been horrendous but emotionally I'm ok

I've had barely any bleeding so far, a few spots but that's it... but the cramps have been pretty horrendous. I'm due back at work tomorrow but not sure I can face it...

Emotionally I'm ok, I was confident that I was doing the right thing and I know I have. Still getting the odd wave of guilt though...

Being awake was much harder than I thought

If it happened again (which it won't as I'm having an implant) I would opt for surgical again but maybe under GA as being awake throughout was much harder than I'd thought it would be.