He was my best friend and I trusted him but he spiked my drink and then had sex with me

My story starts in January 2014 when my best friend had turned 18 and we were going clubbing to celebrate. I didn't want to be coming home loud and drunk so he said that people could stay at his house, so that was the plan. He had been my best friend for 8 years so why wouldn't I be able to trust him to look after me and make sure we all got back safe? 

Me, him, another girl and one of his friends had pre-drinks at his place and then we left, walking to town. Being in the sixth form I never really went out or got drunk a lot, this was actually my first time since I had turned 18. I'm usually the one that looks after other people when they get plastered but this night it appeared that he was looking after me.

I was feeling really strange

Even though I hadn't had much to drink, I started feeling really strange so I went to the bathroom, entered a cubical and I remember the walls closing in on me and then expanding. After some water, I felt a bit better so carried on as normal.

He kept handing me drinks as the night went on and I kept dancing. I then went to sit down and after that, it's just black.
I remember nothing from sitting down until waking up at his house with just him and one of his friends.

I, however, was completely naked! All sorts of things went through my head - did I throw up on my dress so they took it off so I didn't have to sleep in it? I thought of many things but with him being my best friend I never suspected the worst. I left and we spoke as normal.

It wasn't until March 14th that I did a pregnancy test that came back as positive. I was incredibly shocked and confused as I got with my partner on February 13th and we had sex once so my first thought was that it was obviously his. I had my first scan and it was all going great until the nurse told me I was 3 almost 4 months pregnant. HOW!?

I normally have regular periods so the doubt didn't come from that. The doubt came when I was getting messages asking me 'is it true?' I had no clue what they were talking about so I got them to explain.

My drink had been spiked

My supposed best friend told people at college that he had spiked my drink for a laugh and then we had sex. I was in pieces. I thought of many things that morning but not that. I was unconscious when he did what he did, how could he do that to me? He wasn't even being safe when he did it!

I just wanted it to be a nightmare and for me to wake up but I had to face reality so I phoned him and said we needed to speak face to face. 

Once we met I told him straight away and asked for an explanation. He laughed. He said that he hoped I was getting rid of it as he wasn't ready for a child yet. I said well what were you doing having sex with me! He said it was good though, we were pretty drunk. I completely lost it. I was unconscious, not drunk. He laughed again and it was all just a joke to him.

I couldn't handle being around him any more so we left it at that. How could I bring a baby into this world when it was conceived this way? I had no love for the father whatsoever. He was meant to be my best friend - someone I trusted for 8 years and was still meant to trust.

I booked to have a surgical abortion and told the father. I cried every night up until the night of the abortion. I've always wanted a family of my own but I just couldn't. My partner was my rock. Without him, I really don't think I would have been able to get through it.

The day of the abortion I seemed fine to everyone. I just wanted to block all emotions out and for them to never return. My mum stayed with me through the surgery. She managed to keep my mind off everything and I was surprised I made it through the day without crying.

It's been almost a year

It's now been almost a year and I am still paying for it. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't close my eyes and think about it. The sadness just takes over and I feel like crying for hours and hours.

I'm now engaged to my partner that has been there through everything and we have set a date for our wedding! So there is good in this horrible situation but I really don't think this will ever leave me.

I just need to know when it gets easier because at the moment - I still feel as sad, upset, angry and low as the night before the abortion.

I know that many people are going to think that it was my stupid fault for going out drinking but I honestly thought I could trust him with my life. It has taught me not to be so trusting and to only have drinks that I have made.