I wish I had someone to talk to and tell me everything was going to be ok

I had a late medical abortion when I was 17 weeks pregnant...

That was 4 months ago and I'm full of regret. I have never dreamed that I would go through with an abortion so late in my pregnancy but due to exceptional circumstances, I felt that I had no option and felt trapped with no one to turn to. Now I have to live with the fact that my baby is gone.

I found out I was pregnant when I was 10 weeks and for the following month struggled to decide what to do. I wish I had someone to talk to and tell me everything was going to be ok.

I went to the clinic for a consultation to discuss abortion and my options. I asked for a picture of the scan and the scan showed just a circle which I now know was the head circumference. They didn't show me a baby...

They didn't really go through my options regarding adoption or keeping the baby... They made me feel like I was doing the right thing and that it was going to be easy.

I took the first pill which I regretted instantly

I cried all the way home. On the second day, I had to return to take the second pills. I was intending not to go back and hoped my baby would be ok. I experienced a slight tummy ache and I looked on the internet regarding continuing with the pregnancy. I read that I would go on to have a miscarriage and that the baby would end up with problems and would be starved. I wanted him to be at peace so I went for the second set of pills.

After the second dosage of pills, I started getting quite severe pain. This went on for about an hour. When my waters broke I felt the baby coming and this happened quite quickly. I watched as my little boy slid onto the bed.

I saw him gasping for air and move his arms and legs

The nurse tried to cover him up. He was so perfect and all I wanted to do was pick him up but so tiny and fragile. At 17 weeks he looked like a miniature baby. I wish I gave him the chance to live even if I decided to have him adopted.

I will never forgive myself for what I have done.

I gave him a burial as it was the only thing I could do for him after what I have done. I hope that he forgives me.

I believe in pro-choice but everyone reading this please make sure it's the right decision and that you have explored all options available to you. I ache for that little boy every day and yes it would have been hard in the beginning if I had him but it would have been ok.