I had to have an abortion when I was 15 years old
By anonymous on 10/04/2012
When I was 15 years old I had an abortion. I did not want to have an abortion because I did not believe in abortions.I had sex with an older man. He was much older than me and he already had a little girl, but could not see her because his ex girlfriend did not want him to see her. Anyway we started sleeping with each other and the sex was good and I enjoyed it but on the other hand we didn't use any protection.
I was 15 years old and he raped me because I was 15 years old and I didn't have the consent to say yes. I was under age having sex and I knew that we should of used protection.
It's my fault because I told a little white lie. I said I was on the pill and he thought I was, but I weren't. I did not mean to lie, and when I told him I was pregnant he was in shock and said it can't be and was speechless. Then he said to me, "I want you to get rid of it" and I was thinking to myself, "I don't get a say in this".
He never thought about me and my feelings at all, and it hurt me to see him not caring about me :(
I found out I was pregnant on Thursday 9th February when I took a test, because we had unprotected sex and my tummy felt tight. The test came out positive with 2 lines, I was so scared and everything kept running through my head, "what people would think of me and say about me".
The father of the baby did not seem to care about me or the baby and he told me to get rid of it.
It made me upset that I had to get an abortion. He did not come with me to the clinic because he said people will suspect something as he is much older then me. Basically I had no one at the time when I was pregnant, and I had to find a way of trusting one of my friends for them to help me because I did not have the guts to tell my mum. So I told one of my close friend and she was upset for me and she helped me out a lot. We both took the day off school to go to the clinic and I had to go for a meeting and my ultra scan and it was very emotional. When I was in a meeting they kept asking me loads of questions and everything kept running through my head. I was a scared 15 year old getting an abortion. I went to have my ultra scan and I was 5 weeks pregnant and it was sad knowing that you're killing your baby :'(I regret going to the clinic but I never wanted to go there,he made me.
So the lady was giving me advice and information about what was going to happen when I have my abortion. I could not stop crying. I was in a very emotional state and was depressed for a week, and did not feel like talking to anyone.
I booked my abortion for Wednesday 15th February 2012
and it is always going to stay in my head forever and I will never forget it. I killed my own baby for him. I'm so depressed and haven't been happy ever since.
Anyway I was In Maccy dees with my friend and she convinced me to tell my mum. She said it was the right thing to do, and so I thought about it and thought to myself, "my mum is going to find out soon when she sees me in pain".
So I told my mum and she was in shock and so depressed about me being pregnant. She was not thinking of me in this, she kept going on and on about the father, but I could not say who it was because he is my mum's best friend's sister's brother and it will ruin everything. I kept making names up to her but she didn't care for me at all and it hurt me a lot. When it came to the day of my abortion she did not go with me because she had work. Her best friend went with me and it felt like she did not care about me. She was in shock but still didn't want to go with me and the day of my abortion I stayed round her best friend's house when I was in pain and she picked me up after from work. She didn't talk to me one bit.
The father did not really care which made me feel depressed and sad, and I was in so much pain and so upset and wanted to die. I got rid of my baby and I just keep thinking about it all the time and it makes me feel so upset.
Editor's Comment
It sounds as though no one was interested in how you were feeling, or what you wanted to do about the pregnancy. You felt pressurised into abortion by the father of the baby, and by your Mum's reaction, and they did not listen to how you were feeling. It has left you feeling uncared for and upset. I feel concerned that this older man took advantage of you, and as you say it was illegal for him to have a sexual relationship with you when you were under age and he was a lot older. he could certainly be prosecuted for this.You may feel that you would like post abortion help and support, and this is available through CareConfidential. There are trained advisors who can help you to work through the painful experience you have been through. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.