I thought I'd never even consider abortion but how things can change

Well after sprawling the internet since I discovered I was pregnant I have read many story & heard many views on pregnancy & abortion.

I've never been one to judge and never imagined I would ever consider abortion let alone go through with one. But it just proves how circumstances can change everything :(...

After reading many horror stories I thought I would post my experience to maybe help somebody who is maybe as scared as I was.

Well I had an early medical abortion (6wks) a week ago today...

And up until this afternoon I was 100% sure that it was the best decision for me and my family.
I already have 2 children aged 10 and 2. (8yr gap I know lol) I'm 27 and have been with my partner 12 years and he is my soul mate.

We became parents at the early age of 17 and although our children are the best thing to ever happen to us we have missed out on many opportunities and maybe not excelled as best we could in certain aspects of life. But I wouldn't change a second of the past 12 years. I have 2 wonderful children who make me smile every single day.

But after an emergency caesarian with my first, a laparotomy to remove a large cyst and ovectomy whilst pregnant with my 2nd and then an elective caesarian (due to risks) to get him here I knew that after I had my son I didn't want anymore children. I wanted to be sensible so asked to be sterilised. I pushed it as far as I could but was told on numerous occasions I was 2 young to be sterilised, so when I discovered I was pregnant again I was more than a little gutted to say the least...

I knew straight away I couldn't have another baby and we made the decision to terminate before it properly formed

I made an appointment to see my GP and he arranged the 1st app at the gynae clinic. It was pretty quick.

On the 1st appointment they make sure that the decision is the right one for you and talk you through the risk and what will happen. They then take some bloods to check your blood type and make sure your not anaemic.

They also took some swabs to check for any infections that maybe present and I had an internal scan (and I'm petrified of internals but its not as scary as it seems) to see how pregnant I was.

On my first app I was 4wk and 5 days. The nurse explained that the pills tend to work better at 6wk + so I was given an app for a week and half later. That takes me to last friday the 4th of march, I attended the clinic to take my first dose - orally (mifeprristone) I signed a form and was able to return home. You have to take it in the clinic as its a controlled drug.

I was warned I may start cramping and spotting but if so not to worry it was normal. I didn't experience anything other than feeling really drained, as if something was pulling all my energy out through my legs lol.

My next app was for 48hrs later. I would be admitted as a day patient onto the ward and given my next dosage.

So monday came and I was still confident I was doing the right thing and arrived at the clinic at 8.15am.

I was told what would happen and told every time I used the toilet I had to use a bed pan, write my name on and tell the nurse so she could collect it and see what had been passed :(

I was also told that if it didn't happen I would have to return a week later to repeat the process.

At 9am the nurse inserted 4 small tablets of misoprostol into my vagina and pain relief in my back passage. I was told I needed to sit down for the 1st hour but then move about as much as possible to get things moving along :( ... So I did as I was told and sat in my little recliner chair in a curtained cubicle along with 7 other women.

I felt guilty as hell by now, but still knew it was the right thing to be doing

After the hour passed I got up and we went for a wander as we did 20 million times that morning but nothing was happening. Not even a spot of blood, whilst the others, who weren't as active as me seemed to be well into the process by now.

It wasn't nice to watch or to be going through to be honest...

Nothing happened that morning so at 12pm I was given 2 more tablets of misoprostol orally and within half an hour I felt I need the toilet and as I sat down I was shocked as I felt a large mass between my legs.

I panicked and shouted my boyfriend in, he got a nurse who confirmed it was just a blood clot.

As the afternoon progressed I had slight cramps, and a bit of bleeding and a few small clots I was convinced I would probably have to come back and repeat the process. Anyway around 3 o'clock that afternoon I had the urge to go again so off I went had a wee and suddenly two or three larger clots fell one after the other into the bed pan (I was determined I wasn't looking) the feeling knocked me sick and the sound of them being caught in the bedpan made me shudder every time.

Anyway, I thought oh its starting properly, I wiped and noticed I thick long line of bloody tissue like stuff. I assumed it was the cord or something. Anyway I panicked So I threw it in the pan so they could see it and sorted myself out.

I tried to write my name on the pan but the pens weren't working so I kind of etched it instead. I went to placed it on the floor and noticed somebody else's waiting to be checked. I was a little bothered as the pen wasn't working but I could see the other persons name so I went to find nurse but there wasn't one in sight.

I decided on a quick walk as I assumed things were going to get a whole lot worse, one of the girls was crying in pain, I felt awful for her. Anyway we returned from our walk and the nurses were really busy so I told them in passing there was a pan to collect and she said ok.

I was bleeding a bit heavier now so we closed over the curtain a little so we could relax a little if at all possible and not 5mins later the nurse came in and said your all done... I was like am I... I felt like saying are you sure but she obviously knew what she was doing.

It was quite manic for them at times, I admire the nurses for what they do, and without judgment... I was told I'd have to wait an hour to make sure my blood loss hadn't increased then I could go home.

I was a little shocked at how easy it was... or so I thought

I don't mean that to sound shallow or heartless. It hurts knowing what I've done but the decision affects 4 of us not just me... Anyway after an hour I was allowed home. I felt a relief it was at last all over, no more worry or stress and I didn't have to tell anybody. I could concentrate on my family again. I had a few pangs of guilt but I knew it was right still.

I felt ok the day after but come wednesday my womb or cervix or something felt raw, it was like a deep sharp ache like after having my previous children I assumed it was normal and carried on. I relaxed for 2 days and went back to work thursday. I'd accepted what I'd done and was moving on, my blood loss was much like a period and the raw feeling was going ....slowly.

But then yesterday when I was sat at work I noticed the most horrendous smell of dirty blood

I was horrified and this continued today. Now I hadn't open my bowls 'properly' since monday so when I did this afternoon I was little strained. Suddenly from knowhere I felt a pop. I had passed salad potato size clot. I almost passed out from the shock, I retained it and I knew I had to look at it this time.

Anything over the size of a 50p was classed as abnormal so I put it in a disposable cup and covered it. Called my fella whilst trying to stay calm around my children.

We looked at it together and were 100000 % sure it was a foetus

This is where my regret starts. Realising that the poor thing was more formed than I thought (it looked like a little alien in tight sac all snug) yet I had pulled it from its nice warm growing space...

Anyway I called the out of hours gynae and was told I needed to get there immediately to be checked out and to take the product as they say with me. I again did as I w