Medical abortion was unavailable - I'm 35 and smoke more than 10 a day so had a surgical abortion

Hello Ladies, I am writing this as I want to tell someone what I've been through, if it helps someone else then that would be a comfort to me.

I had a surgical abortion today

I was supposed to have the medical abortion but as I am 35 and smoke more than 10 a day. I was unable to have the tablets [read other stories about medical abortion and surgical abortion].

I'll start by saying this was a pregnancy that came about whilst on the rebound really, I am married but have been sort of seperated from my husband for the last 3 months in that time I met a man, that seemed very nice I went out with him a few times and we had a few too many drinks on one such occassion and we had unprotected sex.

I fell pregnant, to say I was shocked is an understatement because I thought I couldn't have children as my husband and I had been trying for 9 yrs with no joy, so I'd got used to the idea that I have 1 son and that's that.

So finding myself pregnant I was shocked and petrified because I really hardly knew the father

He was supportive and said he was happy for me to go ahead with the pregnancy. I think he'd really started to fall for me, but the feeling wasn't mutual, I had no feelings for him at all, and actually I was and am missing my husband!

I was in turmoil for a couple of weeks trying to decide what I was going to do. I halfheartedly made the decision to go ahead with an abortion so booked myself in.

Today was the day I had the treatment, I feel sorry for the life I didn't allow to live.

I wish my circumstances could have been different so that I felt more able to cope with a baby, but I knew I really couldn't have a baby with a man I hardly knew and nearly no support around me.

It's been the hardest decision I've ever had to make

I haven't stopped crying since I found out I was pregnant. I can't advise anyone who may be going through this, all I can say is I really do understand how awful this all is, I know the pain of indecision and the pain of abortion.

My heart goes out to anyone who is going through this, it's been the hardest thing for me.