I am screaming inside that I did not do the right thing

I had a nasty accident in September last year and broke many bones, underwent extensive surgery and almost died on a number of occassions. Having struggled to recover and make a miraculous return to work - I was looking forward (sort of) to celebrating my 40th birthday with my son and new partner (of 2 years). Having been divorced for 10 years I thought I had finally met Mr Right. I had another operation in May this year to remove some metal work and when asked - "are you pregnant?" I answered "no" as I was sure there was no way I could be.

Tested - positive

Some weeks later, I was late... Tested - positive. I was speechless for so many reasons and then realised that Xrays, surgery, drugs etc mixed with developing baby... not good.

40th birthday came and went and Mr Right was flopping from happy about baby to "not being responsible enough". I consulted and read and researched and decided that my body had been through so much surely a baby would be damaged and it could only end in tears. I took advice and was (in hindsight) guided into having a termination.

That's all well and good - the procedure was harrowing, too easy and never mentioned by Mr Right.

I am screaming inside that I did not do the right thing

I could have done this on my own, I have been a single mother and brought up a fabulous child, I have a professional job, why was I left feeling I owed it to my family to "do the right thing" and think of the impact on everyone else??

So many regrets but the worst is that Mr Right is incapable of talking to me despite my pleadings and suggested that The Samaritans may be able to help.

Did not expect to be feeling so utterly desperate about it and would have been 29 weeks on Sunday. Surrounded by expanding bumps of colleagues at work and it's tearing me apart.