I'm not trying to put anybody off, I just really want to make people aware of the process

I had a late medical abortion at 18 weeks just over a year ago. I live in England and had this done on the NHS in my local hospital. I won't go into my story, how it happened, my reasoning for the decision etc, I am here to share the physical experience as I was not warned and do not want anybody to go into it unprepared how I was.

I had the first pill and returned home - I had no ill effects from this and felt completely fine. No cramping, no bleeding - nothing. I returned to the hospital 3 days later with a 6 pm appointment. I was given a painkiller up the bottom and 4(?) pills vaginally. I was then advised to lay for an hour and ensure that every time I went to the toilet, whether a wee or number two, I did it in the pan and called the nurses to check the contents.

I felt nothing for 3-4 hours, nothing happened - no cramping, no bleeding. After 4 hours, they came and gave me another set of pills.

A couple of hours in, I started getting diarrhoea and some gunky white stuff - I think this may have been the painkillers etc. Other than this, nothing except a few very mild cramps.

After another four hours (so it's now 2 am - I had been there for 8 hours) they gave me another set of pills.

Between 2 am and 6 am I started experiencing some moderate cramping, still no bleeding, nothing unbearable.

Another four hours - 6 am and 12 hours. Shift change, a nurse comes in and gives me four more and says that if this lot do not work, they will have to send me home - she didn't really explain why, or what the next step would be from there.

Around 2 hours after the last lot of pills at around 8 am a nurse came in to check on me as by this point I was experiencing terrible, doubled over in agony cramping and felt that giving it had now been 14 hours since my painkiller, another one may be due.

As the nurse came in the room, I felt a sudden jolt in my stomach and pressure around my vaginal area. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed in tears trying to explain I was in agony and I thought the baby had come out. As I stood up, water came gushing out everywhere - my waters had broken. I was in shock as had not been advised this was going to happen and that I would essentially be going into labour.

I was in pain, shocked and terrified - my legs were trembling so much I literally couldn't stand and the poor nurse (who was pregnant - I found this relatively insensitive!) had to change my underwear and sanitary pad I was hysterical. They changed my bedding etc, gave me another painkiller and said to call if anything else happened.

For the next 2-3 hours, I experienced intermittent agonizing cramps which I now know to be contractions. Around 11 am (having been in the hospital now for 15 hours) I felt a build-up of pressure and darted to the bathroom. I sat down and felt the urge to push - and push I did. The baby fell out of me and into the bedpan - it wasn't particularly large, but large enough that I had to push a few times to get it out.

I went to stand up, and realized that it wasn't detaching from me - the umbilical cord was attached. Again, this was not something I had been warned of and again, the shock sent me into hysterics.

I rang the bell for the nurse and sat on the toilet for 10-15 minutes before she arrived and cut the umbilical cord - at this point I was advised I still needed to pass the placenta. After another 20 minutes on the toilet pushing, this also fell out.

18 hours following going into the hospital, I was cleaned up, advised it was over and sent on my way. I essentially gave birth to my dead baby - whilst I do not regret the decision I made as it was most certainly the right decision for me - and the baby, I am still over a year later traumatized by the experience and full of guilt. I suppose the process of actually giving birth made the 'foetus' seem more real.

I'm not trying to put anybody off - if it is the right decision for you, then so be it. I just really want to make people aware of the process, as having discussed with others who had a late-term medical - they were also not given any warnings of what the experience would involve, so please prepare yourselves.